Funny Facebook Status updates. Ideas for funny facebook statuses!

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Are you looking for funny quotes for you status update on Facebook? The ones that will make your friends laugh? You came to the right place! Here you can find the best ideas for cool Facebook statuses! Have fun!
Beside the tips and quotes listed on this page there are also a few very cool and useful links to some other great sites where you can find a lot more funny and awesome ideas for Facebook status updates. Be sure to check them all out! And if you know another one please submit it in a comment! Thanks!

Awesome ideas for Facebook status updates

cool facebook statuses

Some things man was never meant to know. For everything else, there's Google.
Aaah! Finally I got a password for my computer other than just "password".
One should learn how to save water! Go and shower with your neighbor's daughter.
Have you ever had a fly land on your computer screen and your first
reaction is to try and scare it with the cursor? (I don't know about
you, but I have done this a couple of times).
%u2026isfaci ngamaj orprob lemwi hisspa cebarple asehelp.
Be nice to nerds. Who knows probably you will be working for them one day.
I do give the waiters a good tip, but they never seem to take or appreciate my advice.
Dear Lord, please give me some patience NOW! NOW! NOW!
Oh hello! I see that the assassins have failed.
Making some changes to my life. Please leave a message and in case I don't get back, then know that you are one of the changes.
At the airport customs, if you are asked "do you have any firearms with you?" never reply, "Why? What do you need?"
What do I do when I see someone extremely gorgeous? I stare, I smile, and when I get tired, I just put down the mirror. Simple!
Not all men are fools. There are still some bachelors.
..is dead. Yet here you are reading her update. What does that make you?
... is a big mystery that you can never solve.
I said 'no' to drugs, but they simply would not listen.
... does not suffer from insanity. She is enjoying every minute of it.
I am proud of myself. I finished the puzzle in just 6 months while the box said 2 to 4 years.
... thinks that if your relationship status is "it's complicated", then it's high time that you change it to 'single'.
My computer beats me at chess. So what? It was no match for me at kick boxing.
... is color blind but is still trying to solve a Rubik cube. This could take a while.
Women who seek to be at an equal level with men, lack ambition.
Is swearing to drunk that he is not God.

How to be Popular on Facebook

100+ Funny Facebook Statuses

Bought some batteries for my children as Christmas gift and it has a note that says 'toys not included'.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back ever.
Children in backseats cause accidents - Accidents in backseats cause children.
Always remember that stupidity is not a crime, so you are free to go.
I think, and thus we have nothing in common.
Statistically speaking, 8/6 people have trouble computing fractions.
is wondering when can a chicken cross the road without being questioned?
... wants to kill the sexiest person alive, but suicide is a crime.
....went to the book store earlier to buy a 'Where's Wally' book.
When I got there, I couldn't find the book anywhere. Well played Wally,
well played.
Congratulations! You've just read this sentence.
Where there is a will, there are 100 relatives.
... warns you to be careful with your head, cause once even he had an open mind until all his brains fell off.
A guy knocked on my door today asking for a donation for the local
primary school's pool. I went away and came back with a cup of water%u2026..
Is that wrong?